kirktastic

I have a cold. I got an idea it was coming on Friday with a scratchy throat and that feeling that “I think I’m getting a cold.” Fortunately, I had some sudafed in my shaving kit and although it helps with the decongestion, it doesn’t help with the “I definitely have a cold” feeling.

I want to move to San Diego. I miss being a Californian.

I’m at Suvarnabhumi waiting for the plane to Tokyo. I’m on about 3 hours of sleep. I had to leave the hotel at 6am. Then I managed to pick the slowest JAL check in counter. Then the slowest passport control. I had a Thai styled pizza for breakfast. Not exactly super authentic, but it was better than the Burger King.

It is a cool rainy morning in Samui. I need to get to the airport soon. But it was nice to sit on the beach and just do nothing while gazing out at the sea. I’ve been working on my internal five-point plan for self-actualization and greatness. If I hit one point I’ll be golden. All five and I will be with the Buddha.

And then it started to rain. And then it rained harder. I went back to the room for some rest and dry clothes but it was boring, the cable and the internet was out so I returned to the bar to ride out the storm. Coke Light. Eventually the rain and wind died down enough to open the storm curtains so I could see the sea again. Vary tranquil. Seems most tourist are in their rooms so the beach and the lounge has been my private grounds all morning. A man could get used to this. Unfortunately this man can’t afford to stay here much longer.

In about 20 minutes I leave for the Samui airport for my flight to Bangkok. My flight for Austin leaves very early in the morning. I’m going from Bangkok to Tokyo, and then to Chicago, and then Austin. I will be on a plane for 20 hours and spending 4 hours in layovers. Due to crossing back over the international date line, all of this will happen on Friday. I get home late and after giving my cats a good ear scratching will sleep. I hope I employ my jet lag system so I can have a productive weekend before I have to go back to the cubicle on Monday. Wow, that was the first time I thought about work all week.

Wow. What a difference. A much more laid back place than Phuket. You land at a small airport with a outdoor terminal. You are ferried from the plane [mine was a prop job] in little Disneyland-styled trams. The airport is only a few km from Chewang beach. It is more expensive than Phuket, but beach resort towns tend to be that way.

Of course I’m talking about the town, not the hotel I stayed at in Phuket which despite its massive size was quite tranquil.

Here in Samui, I’m staying at the Amari Palm Reef. My room is way in the back and does not have a view of the sea which sucks. But is otherwise an awesome place. It is a short walk to the shops of Chaweng — a decidedly upscale set of shops, restaurants and bars compared to Phuket. Of course some of that cachet comes with all of the knockoff brands you see. Like Phuket the streets are crawling with farang, mostly European except my hotel has a larger than typical American guestlist. Last night I went to Soi Green Mango and watched the mating rituals of the European tourists bust a move in the discos. There are a few gogos and beer bars with hostesses begging this “handsome man” into their establisment for a drink. But it definitely isn’t Phuket or Bangkok. After the old people went to sleep, it was mostly European couples and singles out carousing and drinking overpriced cocktails. And yes Johnny there are a few ladyboys here.

The sea is more tranquil since it is on the gulf of Thailand side of the country but it also means the sand is whiter and the water is a lighter hue. The beach front area is not huge, only a few meters separate the hotels from the water, but it winds down for miles. And old European women who you’d wish would cover up walk down the beach topless. The women you’d like to see topless are covered up. It is a social taboo in Thailand for nudity and the old European ladies here don’t seem to give a shit. I’m more of a live by the local rules kind of guy. Just because I drive on the right at home doesn’t mean I should drive on the right here. Maybe I’d be less disgusted by the topless ladies if they were about 40 years younger and 40x hotter.

Right now it is raining. I was walking the beach after getting a manicure and pedicure and massage this morning when the sky started to darken. The locals with their wares and boats and what not started putting their stuff away. Eventually the tourists got of their lounges and started to go inland. I was happy since it meant it was much cooler. But since my hotel put all of this chairs away, there was nowhere to sit except at the bar. I decided to come back to the room for a short siesta and use these last few minutes of interweb.

This is definitely worth my returning to. Laid back paradise. I wish I didn’t have to leave.

So I spent all day yesterday at the beach drinking Singha and watching the European girls. Most of it safely under the umbrella but of course UV rays bounce around a lot. Now I’m no longer lilly white all over, I’m more of a neopolitan – pink, brown and white. I got a lot of sun on my head since I walked around a lot w/o a hat on. You’d think after all these years of living in sunny climates I’d be smarter about that. You’d also think that in the decade of so I’ve been losing hair I’d be even be smarter about that. But you really can’t teach old dogs new tricks.

Part of what I’m hoping to find on this trip is time to answer the question I’ve been trying to discover since I was a child. That is, what do I want to do when I grow up? My current job gives me money that I can use to pay for trips to Thailand and frequent flyer miles for upgrades and whatnot. But I’m not satisfied with a lot of it. I’d really like to figure out how to get a job working outside the US. Somewhere temperate, I don’t know, like Thailand. Several of the staff at this hotel are German. I do have experience working in hotels, but I don’t know if I can live my lifestyle on the wage of a front desk clerk [I did do this job in Phoenix for a whopping $3.35/hr in 1990, sadly that job does not appear on my CV]. Of course, the Hilton Phuket would find speaking German a plus given all of the German tourists at the hotel. I speak English and Spanish and although the TV has TVE on the dial, I haven’t run into many Spaniards or Latin Americans here. And of course, all of the Thai staff speak English well. My Thai is limited to Sawadee Krap.

I know it is late in life to still be uncertain about what I want to do when I grow up considering I’ve been an adult for decades now. But I’ve never really thought of myself as that. I don’t have the wife and family. I still rent. I like that freedom and flexibility which I may not have when I finally “settle down” and be a grown up.

On the radio the other day, a doctor who was in his late sixties was being interviewed and he mentioned how people tend not to think of themselves at their actual age. He said he sees himself as being in his forties, but his body will sometimes say otherwise. I’m the same way. I feel like I’m 23. The same as I’ve always felt. Yesterday a young Italian couple were seated a few umbrellas down from me and I felt more akin to them than the Russians my age seated a few chairs in the other direction. The Italians probably lumped me in with the Russians. But I do feel I have more in common with people in their twenties than I do with people in their thirties. I think many women my feel a little skeeved that an old guy like me keeps glancing at them.

The hotel I’m staying at in Phuket tailors itself for couples and families. About half of them 40+ about half <30. Busloads of Italians, French and Germans. The only time I hear English is when they speak to the Thais at the restaurants or bars. Then it is back to their native tongue.

I wasn’t feeling well last night and decided not to take the 15 minute tuk-tuk ride into the bars in Patong to frolic with the other westerners. Instead I went to bed early, which caused me to wake early so I took a nice pre-dawn walk on the beach. Away from the lights of the hotel, my eyes adjusted to the moonless night and only being able to see via starlight. It was fucking awesome.

This afternoon I leave for Ko Samui, the last stop before I head home. The holiday has been too short but I didn’t have a lot of time off. I’d love to come back and rent a bungalow for a month for the price I’m paying for hotels for one night now and really unwind. I can buy a scooter and learn not to fear driving on the left. Eat fresh fruits and live right. Of course, who am I kidding, I’d need broadband internet [I did see it offered at the Baskin Robbins Patong] and air con.

I got to Phuket at about 1pm. And for you uniformed, unworldly travelers, it is pronounced “poo-get” not “fuck it”. A little overcast but somewhat cooler than Bangkok, thank Buddha. The airport is a small affair similar to airports at beaches around the world. It is located at the north end of the island, my hotel and the more famous beaches are toward the south. It was about an hour taxi ride and the cost came to 450 baht just like the guy at the taxi stand promised. The road we took wound through the center of the island and it was pretty built up commercially. We finally reached my hotel. It is a a big mother spreading over several hectares. When you arrive at the front, the security checks out the taxi with a mirror for explosives and looks in the trunk like I saw them do at the JW Marriott in Bangkok. But then inside you drive to a welcome lobby — outside with comfortable chairs while the hostess radios the main buildings. A tram takes you back to one of the many lobbies. I was met at the tram by a bellboy with flowers and asking by for me by name. He takes my bag and shortly we’re met by the guest relations manager who welcomes me to the hotel and she walks me to the special check in area. A hostess arrives with a drink and cool towels. After the check-in details, the manager gives me a brief tour of the place on the way to the room in the Lotus building. The nice room has a huge fruit basket and a commanding view of the Andaman Sea. She shows me the letters of welcome from the General Manager and herself reminding me I have access to the executive lounge on the 12th floor and if I need something, not to hesitate to ask. The best part of my traveling for work is getting Diamond status with Hilton. Some hotels treat me as a prince. I have a nice room even though I’m paying for the bargain basement view-of-the-trash-dumpsters room. A piece of advice: Always sign up for the frequent hotel and airline programs, even if you think you’ll never go there again. Circumstances can change and you might find yourself using the services and getting points. I went to Europe for free using nothing but miles and hotel points a few years ago. I have enough now, that my next vacation anywhere will be free. Well, except for beer and other stuff.

I took a walk down to the beach and around the pool. The place is crawling with Europeans with just a few Americans. Just the way I like it. I forgot sunscreen and so I decided not to get into the chaise lounge and pass the time. Instead I sat on a chair on my deck and stared into the sea. There was a nice cool breeze coming off the ocean. I could get used to this.

This morning I’m up early. I took a walk along the beach as the sun came up. Very nice [say it like Borat, that's how I sound, if you haven't heard me]. Now, I’m at the Executive Lounge having me breakfast.

A nice full spread. Killer view and very attentive help. Today I’m going to take a taxi to the main beach town and get supplies and walk around and see some sites. I thought of going to Phi Phi to find the Scandinavian girls David speaks of but the boat left already. I’m also going for a haircut, shave, manicure, pedicure and Thai massage. Lifestyle of the not rich or famous.

OK. It is fucking hot outside. And I’m a boy that was born in the desert. But it is wet and humid. I drink liters of beer and water and never have to go to the bathroom.

It doesn’t feel like 110f. It feels like a sauna at 200f. I was thinking of going to see the temples but you need to wear long pants and a long sleeved shirt. I don’t think the Buddha would smile on me sweating all over his temples.

Last night was interesting. I met an Irishman [much harder to understand than a Thai with a bad accent]. He told me I cold not miss seeing the go-go shows at the infamous Nana Plaza. Cheap beer, cold AC and scads of Thai girls. I figure, why not. It isn’t like I’d see something like this at home, no? I was curious since the Thai are very modest and nudity is illegal. Even in strip clubs. It is a shopping mall of go-go and hostess bars on three floors. I find a pub called Big Mangos that has an outdoor deck overlooking the plaza and was mesmerized by the people watching. There must have been hundreds of girls reporting to work. My seat overlooked a shrine where the girls would stop briefly to give a silent prayer.

There were tons of farang men on the prowl. There were also many many ladyboys. You know girls that used to be boys. Some were quite stunning and I don’t know how many farang men go back to their room and are surprised. Or if they’re working out some issues. Whatever floats your boat.

Big Mango was a hostess bar, meaning there weren’t go-go dancers, but women in slinky red dresses available to talk to and buy drinks for. A girl named Kay took my drink order and sat down next to me. It was interesting to chat with her and no I did not “bar fine” her and take her home. We just talked. She laughed since I was sweating so much when I got there. She told me to go to the go-go shows and suggested a place across the plaza called Angel Witch that had the best show. Since it was still early I walked around a little. Most places had girls standing outside the doorway saying “handsome man” and “I love you” as I walked by. Of course I’m used to this since it happens everywhere I go. I found a place with air con called Rainbow and it was a trip. There was a stage and poles like in a strip bar, and at least 100 girls on the stages. Loud continuous techno music played as they danced in their cramped space on the page. Each girl had a number on her outfit. Assumingly one need only ask the waitress to get her for you. It was very surreal. I moved on to the Angel Witch for its show. This was a much smaller place with a similar stage. But there was a stage show with very strip tease numbers with synchronized dancing and some risque costumes. My favorite was an act with two girls. One wrapped in a towel ironing her sexy nurse outfit and the other on a chaise lounge putting on stockings. Again, no nudity but quite sexy. Because we all know nothing gets a man hotter than watching a woman doing housework.

Despite the tries of the many many girls and their tempting offers, I went home alone. It doesn’t appear Bangkok closes. But I was back and ready to sleep in my ice cold hotel room.

I haven’t seen any Americans since I got off the plane the other night at the airport. All the farang are Europeans. Nice to get away from those crazy Americans for a while. My hotel caters to a large Japanese population in addition to the farang so everything is in Japanese and English. Everyone is so nice and polite. I came down for breakfast after it closed and the man said no problem, the buffet closed but we make you whatever you want. In the US, they would have said fuck you. What a great country.

Tomorrow I leave the sweltering city and go to the sweltering beach. What a difference a month makes. This time last month I was in Moscow. Complaining about how cold it was. Now I complain over how hot it is? Will I ever be happy?

Day One – Bangkok. I arrived on the flight from Tokyo last night around midnight. The JAL 747 had decent entertainment but my coach seat was a little too snug. I hope by this time tomorrow the indentations from the seat in front of me are gone. It is was a little warm. There weren’t little AC vents and it had to be 85 in there. I tried to sleep but the warmth kept me awake. But great service on the flight. You really don’t appreciate how bad the flight attendants on American Airlines are until you fly on some other airline.

We arrived at the brand new airport in Bangkok and I was surprised we had to get bussed into the terminal De Gaul style. Immigration and customs went well. When you exit the area after customs you’re swamped with people wanting to get you a taxi. Scores of people. Instead I did as recommended and went to the official airport taxi stand which is on the 1st floor and is poorly signed [or perhaps the throng of independent touts are blocking the signs]. Anyhoo. I get in the taxi and we to the hotel in about 30 minutes. Traffic on the expressway was fast and we didn’t really hit traffic until we exited near my hotel on Sukhumvit Rd. Lots of cars, motorbikes and tuk tuks. Tons of people on the streets.

I check into the hotel and within 10 minutes of getting to room I’m asleep and didn’t wake up until noon. I did manage to break a glass as it fell from my bedside table onto the marble-ish tile. That’s nice for blindly having to get up in the night, but I managed to avoid any cuts.

It is hot here. Like Houston hot. That magical combination of heat and humidity that makes my sweat ducts open to full blast and not turn off. It is pretty special.

I just got back from a trip to the MBK Center. I took the the Skytrain overhead train. It is very new, everything is signed in Thai and English and easy to navigate. And has cold AC. MBK is immense. Lots of people and every possible item you’d want. Including an iPod nano with a Sony logo. Lots and lots of knockoff products. On one floor there are tons of mobile phone shops. Some of the phones are as small as a pack of matches. I’m sure they’ll sell them in the US someday. I got a pair of overpriced sunglasses to replace my old overpriced sunglasses.

World Tour Minibar Price Check: 325ml can of Diet Pepsi is 45baht ~US$1.25. WOW. Cheapest mini bar soda I have found anywhere. Only a quarter more than it would cost in a vending machine at home. I wish it was Diet Coke as I don’t drink Pepsi products. But Bangkok appears to be a Pepsi town.

Did I mention it is hot? I’m waiting out the heat of the day before going outside and exploring some. Even though it is 4am at home, I don’t think I’m jet lagged. Coming off the cold — the cough is still around I should be one of those people wearing a mask — and the long flights and no sleep for 28 hours, I’m exhausted.

I’m big in Japan. I’m on a two hour layover at Narita. I’m pretty sure the same boring airport architects that did San Jose’s airport did this one. Same color pattern. So in a way I feel like home. I’m exhausted. I’ve been up 22 hours. Not much sleep on the plane. I got the seat with the shitty movie display so Stranger Than Fiction and Inside Job appeared very dark and in black and white. I also got a chance to see a show I only see on airplanes called 2 1/2 men. The Charlie Sheen sitcom. If I wasn’t at 40,000 feet stuck in a tube going 700 miles per hour there is no way in hell I’d watch that.

Also, the video screens seemed to be a victim of the DST07 mania. While sitting in Dallas, it said it was an hour earlier than it really was. Nice.

Right now I’m in the departure lounge and the plasma TV is showing sumo wrestling. Beats the hell out of CNN Airport Edition any day. The referees are dressed like wizards. I was not aware of that aspect of the game.

Somewhere between here and Dallas I lost my sunglasses. Fuck a duck. They were expensive. And there’s shit in the duty free shop unless I want something Paris Hilton would wear.

I’m at the airport en route to my holiday. Of course, I’m here too early. But I’d rather sit here and do interweb tomfoolery than worry about catching the flight. I just saw a guy with no hand luggage but a skateboard. That is Austin.

The good news is I’m feeling much better. I’m not 100% yet. But better than yesterday. Which was much better than Monday. I can still hack up half a lung now and again.